Don't you find these on-line 'how to make money fast' schemes frustrating? Buy a starter kit on how to make a website about 'how to make money fast', advertise that website on other sites, convince other people to buy 'the kit' and the process starts all over again. I want to do something honest - data capturing or anything to get a second income (which will probably be my primary income should I lose my job) and everything on the web is just schemes. People who thrive on conning people. Frustrating.

My (.)(.)s have been a little sensitive this last week or two, but it's subsiding now. No headache yet and no serious depression. That is always on the background, it's just worse at 'that time of the month'. Not a drop of anything yet. Thursday will be day 28 since my last 'drop', but since I didn't take any HRT I probably shouldn't expect anything. It's very frustrating not knowing where you are in your cycle. I know I've given up the ttc thing for now, but since I started my period about 20 years ago you know that your body is cycling every month. Now the main 'symptom' of knowing what your body's doing is gone. It should be a blessing, but it's not.

About a month ago I couldn't breathe. I literally felt like I'm on the verge of a panic attack all day every day. If I sensed the slightest bit of conflict around me (and believe me there's a lot on a good day) I would start to shake and hyperventilate. I bought myself a little booklet with bible verses and inspirational thoughts in and started reading it day and night. I've read it at least three times already and I have to say that I feel better these days. Calm. I still worry about what the future holds - I don't think I'll ever be able to NOT worry - but I know it's not in my hands and that God looks after His children. You may not always understand the path chosen for you, but it's God's will for you. And His will is not for his children to suffer. Everything will be ok. He will carry me through this difficult time and show me what to do to help the people around me.

. Deu 31:6


Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be in dread of them: for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you."