I contacted my fs last week and he advised me that the best option for me at this stage will be surrogacy. I can't afford that. So this is the end of my ttc journey. At least for now. There's too much going on in my life at this stage in any case to really worry about ttc now.

The company I work for is in HUGE financial difficulty and I really don't know how long it'll be before we close our doors. Then my DH and I will both be out of work. I just don't know what to do to improve things as we have the kidney worry as well now and if our doors close, we'll have to resign our medical aid as well.Things are just so unsure right now and I spent my days praying to God that all will be well and doing my best to believe that it is. There's just some moments that I feel as though I'm choking or suffocating. I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling asleep again. Then I just lay in bed praying and thanking God for everything I have that I don't thank him for. I don't know what the future holds, but at this moment I do still have a job, house, car, food, love and loads of other things that lots and lots of people don't have and that's reason enough to be very thankfull. And I am.